AN UNDELIVERED EULOGY

Three W.O.T. things I learned from Michael during the 18 months I reported to him on the P&G business in the late 1970s:

• Many lovely a girl has spent many lonely a night
• Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire

And W.O.T. was an expression he used when a meeting or project was to be cut short. We never understood why he used this three syllable synonym when the full expression Waste of Time was also three syllables. That is MP for you, his acronyms on all internal communications in the office.

The above examples may not be the epitome of wry and dry humour but certainly to my mind, they were classic Michael.

During a tense meeting with the P&G top guy from Geneva, the 6’2″ gruff German asked him: “Are you trying to make me lose my temper?” His response: Your temper is yours; what you want to do with it is your choice. Further on during the same meeting, the same bullying German asked: who are the good distributors of consumer products in Singapore? MP’s response was to pick up the phone and say: “Diana, can you bring the ‘B’ book of the Yellow Pages here for me?” He pushed the directory across his desk to the German and said: “they listed all the top distributors inside. Take your pick.”

Another memorable meeting was a meeting in the office on the second day of the Chinese New Year in 1979. Yes, on the second day of welcoming the Goat in the New Year, MP and I had a meeting in the office with one of the senior P&G guys. It followed by the standard market visit to check distribution and displays. The P&G guy refused to change the dates of the trip despite being told that 90% of the shops were closed for the New Year. It was a surreal experience, driving along streets for work while the other cars were on their way to meet with people going around paying respect to elders.

They usually ended each trip at the gaudy Chinese revolving restaurant above the Clifford Pier.

Rowdy contractors, gamblers, used car dealers, and, potentially, the underworld elite frequented the restaurant. 

The secretary knew what MP meant when he instructed over the phone: Diana, book the usual table please. The instruction meant that Diana should book the usual table, which was a big round one meant for 10 people. Usually, the table was in front of the brassy band’s monstrous ballroom speakers on stage. This meant that there was no real business discussion over a social dinner.

This may seem funny. But thinking back, an incident during my first job interview may have provided an inkling of what was to come.

Mike was my client at LB. He felt I needed real practical marketing experience if I was to continue providing value from just my advertising experience.

The idea ended up with me facing 5 or 6 board directors, as well as the heads of the two other divisions. It was a gruelling drill, but I had kept my cool for about 45 minutes because I was there to practise my interviewing skills, not for the job. I was too comfortable at LB. I was exhausted, and felt naked.

Then the MD asked: “What makes you think you are good enough to work for us?” This was a bit of a mild shock because I was there at the invitation of Mike and I said, “Ask Mike. He must have thought I was good enough, which is why I am sitting here now.” There was no response from Mike; it was like he was not part of the discussion. His reticence during that interview was characteristic of him, as I found out. One month before my probationary period was over, casually I asked him after our sales meeting. “I have been here for a few months, but there has been no word of my performance. How am I doing?” 

He replied that if I was looking for compliments; I was in the wrong place. “Monkeys perform in a circus, so I don’t know what performance you are talking about. Let’s just say that you are still working here.” Reticence at its best. It’s possible that he had been working for the British for a long time.

Coming back to lovely girls and dancing. Sometimes when we spotted lovely girls at the next table and someone would say, “Wow! But outside our league. With looks like that, she surely got a boyfriend already.”

But MP’s view was that many of these supposedly “unavailable girls were actually not unattainable.” This brings to mind that in meetings with him, he did not expect we executives to “assume.” Because we would make an “ass-of-you-and-me” in the end.

When a pregnant colleague asked if her baby would be a boy or a girl, the MP said with all seriousness that it looked like a boy based on the shape of her stomach. If it is not a boy, it will be a girl, he continued without breaking pace.

Michael was a good boss, a good friend. We remained in touch over the years and had occasional meals together, even after 45 years of working as colleagues.

Farewell, my friend. I am sure the golf courses up there are great. Many more holes-in-one, Mike. And oh, Happy 76th birthday too, today!

Thanks for all the memories.